Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I Love Fearal Cats

 
     I'm finding out the hard way that Jack Russells and wild animals do not mix well. During the daylight hours the usual game to hunt is mostly birds, bugs and the occasional rabbit. As night falls things get a bit dicey. So far we have had a couple of close calls with skunks, but neither of them have been sprayed up to this point. Over the past three years I have also seen quite a few feral cats but thought nothing of them as far as the dogs go, they usually aren't very active, or seen anyhow until around 4am.That all changed a week ago.
     Saturday morning, 9am, on the patio enjoying coffee, what a great way to start the day! The dogs are usually able to occupy themselves in the yard. Merlin was in the garden eating my flowers and Bailey was fairly content looking for bird shit to roll in. Suddenly Bailey lets out a yelp. I look up to find her staring at the neighbor's yard. As she made her way across the yard she began to run and now was continually barking. As I stand up to see what the commotion is about Merlin takes notice and begins to make his way to the neighbor's as well. I look to my right and to my amazement is four feral cats, and they aren't running. By this time they have Bailey surrounded. She's barking, they're hissing back and I'm shitting my pants. I'm far from a cat lover, but the thought of two dogs and four cats throwing down first thing in the morning is more than enough to ruin my day. Thinking quickly, I come to the conclusion that Bailey started this fight and is going to have to handle these cats on her own, my goal now is to catch Merlin before he reaches the melee and makes matters worse. Merlin may be old and out of shape, but apparently when he sees cats he is suddenly young again. As he reaches the rumble he doesn't miss a beat. Without slowing down he grabs the first cat he encounters and proceeds to mop the floor with this poor cat. The three other cats, sensing that they are over matched quickly abandon their friend and head for the hills. As I arrive I grab Merlin and am essentially trying to beat this cat out of his mouth. I have a dog in my hands, who has a cat in his mouth and in the meantime Bailey is jumping on me trying to get in on the action as well. Finally Merlin lets the cat go but instead of running the poor bastard decides it's going to get some redemption. Within about ten seconds Bailey gets a hold of the cat and starts running around the yard with it. In a mad panic, I'm chasing around a dog who has a cat in it's mouth with the other dog in my arms. As I catch up to Bailey and reach down to grab her, I manage to lose my balance and fall flat on my face. What happens next is just pure shitty luck. Bailey lets go of the cat and the fucker immediately attaches itself onto my leg! I'm on my back with a dog in each arm and a feral cat attached to my leg with a death grip! The cat eventually comes to it's senses and lets go, quickly running up a tree.
     As I limped to the house, calling the dogs every four letter word in the book I really felt bad for the cat. The poor cat never had a chance against two dogs. As the day went on and my knees began to swell from the nasty tumble I took I felt less and less sorry for the cat. By Tuesday the scratches on my leg were definitely infected and I was now ready to hunt this fucking cat down myself. I haven't seen the cats since the melee and hopefully they have found someone else's yard to call home, but if they do come back they better run. I'm finished playing hero to feral cats!


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Friday, October 22, 2010

Snuggles the masturbating cat

     So, I have been pet sitting for my parents this week. When I had roommates this was a good thing. As a homeowner living by myself it’s more of a pain in the ass than anything. Over the years pets have come and gone at my folks house but I must say there is quite a mix over there at this point in time. The main players include a middle size geriatric mutt dog, a Papillon puppy and a long haired male cat named Snuggles. I know what I’m getting with the dogs. Lots of barking, running around, all your normal canine carnage but I must say the cat threw me for a loop this time around. This cat was humping anything that slightly resembled any living creature. Blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, you name it this cat wanted a piece of all of it. If Snuggles smoked after sex he would be up to a pack a day! A dog humping something is disgusting, but a cat? Words can’t explain how filthy an act it is! Tonight is my first night back home and I think I may poke my eyes out with a fork so I never have to witness such an act again.